When was the last time you paid a compliment, to a man ? I want you to think about it.
You’re handsome, skilled, nice, smart, or just kind…
Recently, I was holding an event for women at my archery club. They were having a bachelorette or post-wedding party.
I am explaining all those women how to shoot and they are doing great really. Towards the end of the event, I propose to actually shoot my own bow, as it is quite often a request of guests and they agreed.
So here I am standing alone on the shooting line, surrounded by 13 young women and suddenly, they went all silent and start taking pictures like crazy. I shoot two arrows. They sound all amazed - mentioning the technique, position and the rest… - and I think “two arrows is probably fine…”, but I hear like some small comments saying “I wish he’d shoot one more…”.
So I ask. And they very warmly want it and I shoot a 3rd one.
I loved it. Seeing, hearing those women, with their eyes fixed on me like a piece of candy, thinking that some of them would maybe like to eat me on the spot. This felt very good.
As a teenager, I felt too often that girls and women were not appreciative of me. I was not muscular. I was often awkward and weak at sports. I have always been skinny and what can you hope for when you’re built with toothpicks ? I felt like no matter what, I could be the smartest man in the room, the kindest person around, I would never be able to compete with that guy there that is 10 or 15 kilos heavier…
Looking back in time, it’s most likely that they were looking at me but I was oblivious.
I was not aware.
I did not see the looks.
Even my previous girlfriend, I felt that she was affectionate, but did she look at me with lust or envy ?
It’s no surprise I had self-esteem issues…
I know that a lot of women would say that they experience it too often … They feel sexualized from very early, and that’s a shame.
I am myself guilty. Like most men.
It’s hard not to stare hypnothized, to look away when cleavage season has started… But I am doing my best.
But remember it’s part of human nature. We all, men and women, want to feel appreciated in all our dimensions. Too often women are only praised for their beauty. And too often men are only looked at as breadwinners.
But don’t we all want to feel … sexy ?
Women, on the opposite, are used to praise and support each other to raise self-esteem and confidence.
No wonder so many men try to commit suicide…
This is a call to girls and women in this room… tell your friends and lovers, how handsome you see them, even though you’re not attracted. Tell them. Tell your brother maybe, or your cousin, because so few heard or felt attractive.
So please tell me, when was the last time you paid a compliment, to a man ?